How to Cook a Kitten

Part the latest

Get following items:

  • Sky diving book

  • Flight suit

  • Helmet

  • Acme airplane

  • Acme kitten food

  • Acme extra strong kitten net

Put kitten food in dish to attract kitten.

Go to airfield.

Bring extra strong net, flight suit and helmet.

Jump from plane.

Put on flight suit.

Put on parachute.

Parachute?

Read skydiving book.

Mep!

Become intimately acquainted with both gravity and unyielding nature of bedrock.

Put Kitten in net. Serve with French fries and jelly.

Fail?

Unpossible.

If so? Order Chef’s Plate.


One Derful Thing

Face tennis.

This is played with an accomplice. The goal? Have as good a time as possible.

Stand opposite the other person. Hold their chin between your index finger and your thumb.

Have them hod your chin between their index finger and thumb.

Close eh?

Uncomfortable?

Perfek.

Let’s make it worse.

Take your other hand and place it beside their face.

(this is where the game starts)

If you make a sound that the other can hear?

They can tag your face with their hand in a moderate yet arresting way.

If you hear them make a sound. Any sound. You tag them on the face with your hand.

Some people think the goal of this game is to try to stay silent and not get tagged. They are boring. Too boring. Fucking boring.

Others believe that it’s fun, funny and silly to take risks, sacrifice their face for the others and have a great time tagging each other.

In both cases a tension exists. On one hand, you don’t want to just make a big goof about it and wildly tag each other back and forth at random.

Nor do you want to simply clam up and turn the game into a staring contest.

How can you play with the tension of making the other person laugh?

How do you stay ‘in it’ connected, playing for keeps and present with all of the extreme tension that comes from holding the face of another person and essentially being given permission to (very gently) slap another person?

This game? Fun. It requires behaviour that is typically socially unacceptable. It requires and an agreement to play in this outrageous way. It creates an intimate connection. It creates tension.

So. Play with the tension.

Find someone to play face tag with today.

Report back how it went.

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