How to cook a kitten

Part the once again

Procure:

Kitten food

Dish

Human cannon ball cannon

Helmet

Lighter

Big pointy knife

Big pointy fork

Procedure:

Put food in dish.

Put dish at target site.

Get in cannon.

Wait for kitten

Light fuse

Fly at kitten with pointy fork

Fly at kitten with pointy knife.

Miss?

Where did the ground go?

Hold up sign that says: “Mother”

Whistling sound.

Splat.

Extract self from silhouette of where hit ground.

Serve with humble pie.


One Derful Thing

FULL CONTACT IMPROV!

In theatre school days I frequently found myself in contact improv classes. Contact improv classes for those of you who don’t know, involve flopping around on the floor with sweaty strangers and having them flop all over you.

This may or may not be what my dance friends would say. They also wouldn’t complain about the combined stench of raw garlic and patchouli either. They are likely more precise in their dance knowledge and less offended by such olfactory assaults.

Find someone either at work, home or in your neighbourhood who is game to play. Tell them that when you see them you are training to be a modern dancer and that you need to practice full contact improv.

Full contact as in football or hockey style.

To play full contact improv, both partners shout:

FULL CONTACT IMPROV!

They do this over and over again while bumping into each other frantically.

The one with the least bruises? They win.