How the revelation of a toe caused a fool to gag
I do not want to see that appendage.
I do not want to see that appendage. I do not want to hear that noise.
No dear reader, I did not begin my day confronting a massive measure of male members manipulated to a melody of moaning.
Nor did I pierce a placid peace with a proper prompt penis with a pounding beat.
No. Today, on the internet, a man was showing off his toe.
Let me rewind for a moment dear reader.
On the instagrasams I follow the account of a man who does adventure stuff.
He also has a speaker series for ultra athletes or people who do middle class extreme nutty adventure shit.
He’s a good guy.
And.
Today?
The motherfucker showed his toe. His big toe.
It stared with a shot of his Aussie boot wearin’ feet.
He kicks off a shoe.
And that’s the reveal - right then and there, we see it - we see his big fucking toe.
And toes?
Fuck toes.
Dudes toes are ugly.
Lady toes?
On lady feet?
They are cute and my wife’s are the cutest.
But when I’m watching this dude, I’m looking for people outside in the snow, I’m not looking to find a video of your janky ass toe accompanied by… by… by god by that sound.
My god.
That grunt?
He made a grunt.
It was a terrible grunt.
Part protest, part whine, that grunt sounded like a soggy old bag of farts soaked in bunny piss.
That grunt was a crime against humanity.
They are currently preparing a case against this man at the International Courts in The Hague.
No word of a lie.
So this man shows that he has a hole in his sock and is showing off his big fucking toe. I felt like I had stumbled upon a glory hole video for folks with ‘a toe thing’.
Despite my utter gagging disgust at what I saw, I’m impressed by his marketing.
This dude is an Instagrasim PT Barnum and he’s selling tickets to a freak show featuring his sweaty little toe.
Thank god we were spared magnifying glasses.
Who knows what microscopic creatures inhabit the ring around his toe nail?
He knows!
He knows EXACTLY what he’s doing with his pedial perversion. He’s grossing us all out on purpose!
Because on one of these nights he hosts where he’s in front of the crowd, someone’s gonna shout I saw your big toe.
And you know what?
It won’t be me.
Because with digits like those, he can’t be human.
And I don’t want to risk spending time with any mythic creatures with a penchant for frostbite. So you can count on the fact that I will never attend one of his ‘shows’.
Bundle up, it’s a cold cold world out there.
But if you get frostbite, dear reader?
I do not want to see that appendage.
Stay wary you fools!