hope isn't soothing

they are different actions moving in different directions

Soothing is stopping.

Oh sure there’s a time and a place for ‘soothing’.

But soothing has nothing to do with hope.

Soothing is an action to ground and remove excess excitation and to help dispense and disperse the energy of grief.

Even in helping others with their grief, I’ve never been a soother.

I’m more of a let’s rip this shit open, down to the bone clean rawness of existence kinda guy.

(I hope it works. I hear that I does)

I’m a difficult person. I suck at soothing both myself and others.

A fool’s not here to ‘sooth’.

When called upon, we can do it. I can be soothing for a very limited number of people. Most frequently I’m willing to play this role with people who I share genes with or have some level of steady and consistent overlap.

But again, soothing as an action is one that draws in and down before grounding itself down and away

.

Up and out

I’m a fan of actions and movements that go up and out, out and away.

I’m a fan of the physical sensation of ‘feeling hopeful’.

It’s more of a feeling of excitement, of preparedness, or of energy getting ready to go.

Working as a wedding DJ I bathed weekly in hope. I was surrounded by popping corks and flying bouquets. Projectiles of hope arcing up and out all summer long.

Hope is not soothing.

Hope is exciting.

Hope is that feeling of stirring you get that makes something possible. Hope stirs in the body BEFORE the idea stirs in the head.

Hope is that little bit of absurd levity, it’s that shot of energy that rises up out of nowhere when thing are at their darkest, hope first squeaks, then speaks, then roars with the voice of Lloyd Christmas:

So you’re telling me there’s a chance?

In the cinematic classic Dumb and Dumber this line fully captures Lloyd’s infinite hope. Sure, it is almost improbable that he’ll ever end up with the girl of his dreams. BUT it’s not a complete impossibility. And for Lloyd Christmas, that’s enough.

which came first, the feeling or the opportunity?

I kinda believe that all humans have the capacity for hope. For some, it’s worn down quickly. For others, the wearing down of hope sometimes lowers the bar just enough. Others still have boundless hope and a thrilling sense of optimism.

For us fools, we’ll risk our hearts, fulling investing, vaulting, launching, going all in, fully sending it.

In doing so, we throw ourselves at life, with hope as our motor.

Hope is the explosion, the spark.

Hope is at the beginning.

Hope gets things moving.

Hope happens after the crash

Hope happens before the crash.

Hope happens as you’re crashing.

(ihopeidontfuckmyselfuptoobadlyagain)

Hope is the motor that gets you back on your feet.

Hope shouldn’t exist.

Hope doesn’t care

Hope just moves you.

When things are at their worst, notice your body. Notice something just below the agtation of fear and aggression and resentment. There’s energy there that’s similar. Some would say go deeper, find the grief.

I say?

Screw that, find the hope, find the relief.

The feelings of excitement and hope exist in the body in a place that’s very close to where many of us experience fear. Sometimes, we get so used to being afraid, we miss the fact that it’s actually a physical message of excitement, of possibility shouting at us.

With me, it feels like a ‘frequency’ just below fear. It’s like fear is a tenor and hope is a baritone.

I don’t know what hope sounds like.

But hope?

to me it sounds like this: