grinding down butts
and growing beyond ifs
Ahhh… the magical game of ‘if’…
You know it.
You play this game of countermeasures and contingency planning all the time.
Ifthishappensthenill
Worlds unfurl in your head without a break.
THENIFTHATHAPPENS?thenill
One past favorite was ifonlythereweretenofmeid
If only there were ten of me I’d dedicate myself to maskmaking
If only there were ten of me I’d take the time to proofread
If only there were ten of me I’d be riding my bike right meow, ditto surfing, ditto anything but writing
I love to imagine all of the intricate places my spirit and curiosity could play if only I had multiple lives.
It seems so much fun.
I’d only need nine moeore - a cats worth.
I’m not being greedy or anything.
I’m not asking for infinite.
But knowing myself?
They’d all struggle.
They’d all hit highs and lows.
They’d all be me.
They’d all think of ten more things
Farts and all.
And those fantasies about having time to do all the things?
I would have the same amount of time and a hundred more stupid ideas.
I’d do all the things and finish nothing.
thatsureisalottathings
Training on my bike has been a bit of a revelation.
It’s a lot of time where I’m away from the game of if.
My feet spin while my mind sharpens.
I’m imagining the course, the grit, the sweat and the pain.
I’m listening to my heart and focusing on breathing.
I watch time almost stand still watching the last five seconds of a zone five sprint tick by.
I’m training for a series of rides this year. When I go through the statistics I’m told I sound like one who also counts trains. Funny enough, I used to love counting train cars in Sudbury.
(But that’s another story)
The story today involves the series of rides this year.
The first is a hundred miles. Fifty percent or more is rough track and gravel, fifty percent on pavement. I’ve never ridden a hundred miles before. I’m going with some dudes who ride a lot further and longer than I ever have. It’s bloody intimidating.
I’m on a training program. My goal is to be in good enough shape to finish.
The next is a month later. Similar riding conditions, twice as long. The May 24 24. Twenty four hours, three hundred and twenty kilometers (two hundred miles) No sleep till the bike and bean.
That seems stupid. Then it gets worse
The third ride is called the djinn gin. It’s two hundred miles of quite punishing ATV trail and logging road.
That one will take us 36 hours of non stop riding to complete. That one hurts just imagining it.
The fourth is a 48 hour ride around the perimeter of Prince Edward Island. I think that I’m underestimating the hills. I know that PEI is full of hills but in my mind I believe it’s kinda flat. This one will be a particularly strong bit of mind fuckery. I feel relaxed going into it. I feel relaxed imagining it.
This likely has more to do with how punishing the terrain of the Djinn Gin ride is as compared to how buttery smooth that I imagine the crusher dust capped rail trails of the island.
Prince Edward Island has always been vacationland for me. I can’t say that I’ve ever had a terrible time on the island.
That doesn’t mean that it isn’t possible. I’m curious thought: What’s worse really brutal riding surfaces vs twelve additional hours in the saddle?
Beyond that?
There are a couple of other ‘day rides’ planned. They’re only a hundred kilometers - my previous longest.
So I’m training.
I’m training with only one word in my head:
FINISH
Training is a good unto itself.
It can take you from contingencies and countermeasures to measured breaths and gasps of glory.
It can take you from what if to what is.
You don’t need nine more of you ya damn freakshow.
Do less.
Finish more
