Goldilocks and the green grouch

on scheduled misery

Just before sunset, the winds drop and the ocean gets really smooth - perfect conditions for surfing.

There’s a time every April when the trails are just dry enough and you can ride a bike in a t-shirt. Things are neither too hot nor too cold.

You know what I’m getting at?

It’s great when our lives hit these Goldilocks moments.

Sometimes though, being happy is intolerable.

Perhaps we feel like we don’t deserve smooth waves or perfect riding conditions. That’s one of the times that my troll comes out. Sure, he likes to mess around with idiotic neighbours.

That’s fine.

It’s not fine when he comes out just to mess around with me.

I was talking with a client the other day.

He was talking about feeling anxious. Things were going really well. He was worried that something outside of his control ws going to show up and throw a wrench into everything.

Sadly though, that’s about as tough to predict as the weather.

What’s less predictable would be how he tends to troll himself.

We humans can’t stand having a good life. It’s crazy making. When things are going well, the next bad day looms large.

And the next bad day always comes.

Today was a good example. April 3, 2025 it fucking snowed.

What kind of idiotic trick was this. Why did the universe send such filth our way? I wanted to ride my bike.

Boo hoo hoo. Poor me.

I could cry and complain about it. Perhaps I did. It was a bit of a delicious indulgence.

Complain away when things are shitty.

But don’t be surprised.

That’s foolish.

Even better though?

Open up your calendar.

Pick one day on the regular to be your designated ‘shitty day’.

Schedule it.

I suggest seven times per year on the thirty first of every month.

Plan that day to be the day everything falls appart.

That can be your bi monthly day of self sabatoge, of sulking and moping and generally being a pain in the ass victim minded piece of shit.

Indulge yourself on that day.

And, if the day comes that you need this day shows up before then, reschedule.

Or, put off having a shit day until the day its scheduled.

Better yet, if the day that’s scheduled to be shitty is going well, indulge yourself in a little mope and self destruction just for a little while.

Get it out of the way in a half an hour or less then move on to something better.

Why?

It’s normal to schedule chores we don’t like - going to the dentist, changing the cat litter, paying taxes - they all suck and need space in our lives.

Running into shitty time is much the same.

Maybe that internal troll, the one who anticipates the downswing, isn't just a saboteur. Perhaps it's a quirky mechanism that reminds us that life has its cycles, and even joy needs a touch of grounding to be truly appreciated.

Stay trollish your foolish fiends.