Wiping with water?

Improving your life can be difficult, awkward, uncomfortable and likely, a bit embarrassing.

There are a few different tactics for cleaning a human asshole. When you were young, someone else did it. Frequently they used a wet wipe. Ideally they used a wet cloth. 

For many in the world, it’s one hand for the food, the other for wiping the asshole. 

When it comes to using technology for anal cleaning, there are essentially two types of people in the world: The bidet people and paper wipers. 

I’m guessing that you, my dear reader, are one of the unfortunate ones.

I’m guessing that you, my dear reader, are a paper wiper. 

It’s ok. 

Really.

I know a LOT of paper wipers.

Some of my best friends are paper wipers. 

Hell, even most of my family are paper wipers.

I know what you’re going to say: A bidet is expensive or gross. You might protest that ‘we just don’t use things like that around here’.

Bidets are neither expensive nor gross. There are lots of bidet/toilet seat options on the marketplace. You likely haven’t done enough research.

What I do know is that using a bidet has changed my relationship with an asshole. My use of a bidet has changed my relationship with my shit.

A lot of people are just happy with their shit.

A lot of people seem to be just fine with how they connect with their asshole.

These days, when it comes to my own butt hole, I’m touching it less. I’m less in touch with my asshole.

Perhaps letting go of my inner cynic is for the best.

Before having a Tushy bidet attachment both at work and at home, I pooed a lot. I wiped a lot.

That’s a lot of toilette paper. That’s a lot of rubbing my asshole. Rub an asshole enough and it’s likely going to get irritated. With a bidet, there’s less asshole rubbing, less blood and fewer hemorrhoids. 

I used to be a dirty little paper wiper. 

I used to walk around with what is essentially a compost heap ringing my asshole. 

Oh sure. There’s great nitrogen / green compost coming out of me and leaving bits of itself clinging to the crevices, wrinkles and folds.

Blend that with the paper fibre and dust from the paper wiping. On top of that you can add in, some dead skin and bits of blood for good measure. Best of all? The hair. It keeps things loose. It doesn't break down and fast as the other stuff. It creates structure. Think of your ass hairs as highways for microbes and insects.

All you need now are worms.

(and if you’re a parent, don’t worry, they’re coming)

Anyway, paper wipers get the advantage of wiping

Paper wipers get to touch their asshole more often.

Paper wipers get to ich, burn and at times, feel that nasty greasiness at the end of the day.

Bidet people?

We are no ordinary fools. 

We are remarkably foolish.

We have water cleaned skin. We save money. We save water used in making toilet paper. Best of all, we feel fresh. Life is better with a bidet. 

Despite all of this, people resist this positive change.

It’s new. It’s unknown. When I discuss bidet life people physically recoil. Their doubt could not be more clear. 

Bidets are awkward. Bidets are weird. Bidets are embarrassing.

Any new change you’re attempting to help someone else make is like me attempting to share my joy in a bidet. It’s going to be regularly met with big time resistance. Perhaps this resistance won’t be as obvious as peoples frequent first reactions to using a bidet. It’s there nonetheless.

So.

If you’re attempting to help people live a better life know this, for many, what you offer is a forceful, frigid squirt directly into their asshole.

It’s like the old saying goes:

You can lead an asshole to water, but you might not get them clean.

Check out my story on Instagram later this afternoon. I’ll put up a video of my Tushy 3.0 bidet attachment in action so you can see for yourself.