Gify Lube?

And other problems with talking to young people

I’ll be there in a Jiff, I called down to my son.

A GIF? That’s weird dad.

No, a JIFF, I replied.

A Jeff?

No boy, a JIFF - that’s J - I - F - F!!! What the hell are they teaching you in school?

They’re teaching us what they’re teaching. What’s a ‘Jiff’ Dad?

A Jiff, like in a jiffy, as in ‘Jiffy Lube’. A Jiffy, it means, quickly.

Why don’t they just call it ‘Quick lube’ or ‘Quickly lubed’ then?

Because my son, that sounds obscene.

Any business with the word ‘lube’ in the title is fundamentally suspect as such, ‘Jiffy Lube’ sounds just as obscene as ‘quick lube’.

A quick trip to the thesaurus makes things worse. Say these words aloud, perhaps not too loudly - especially if you’re at work or sitting on public transit:

rapid lube

instant lube

abrupt lube

hasty lube

hurried lube

sudden, swift and nimble lube

Who wants any of that when you can get your lube in a Jiffy?

‘Jiffy’, is a great word. I thought it was something from the turn of the century. It turns out, its origins are much further back:

jiffy (n.)

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