generous littering

and helping retirees make meaning

Alo dear reader!

Let me tell you about someone that I currently have great admiration for.

He’s this retired guy.

I see him all the time in downtown Halifax.

His hair is more salty than peppered. He’s well put together but casual.

He has a silver goatee.

And despite the face vagina?

I still have respect for this man.

(and if you wear a goatee on your face, I’m so sorry - not that I called it a ‘face vagina’ but, I’m sorry that you still have such… such… um… unfortunate facial hair)

[I hope this makes it such that you never look at a man with a goatee the same way ever again…]

{ew}

My apologies dear reader, I’ve digressed (yet again) [and again] {and again}

This fine goateed gentleman spends many hours a day walking around downtown Halifax with a trash bag and a pair of those trash-picker-upper-thingies.

You know, those tong like things that are kind of like extended hands and fingers?

Yeah!

Those things.

In his spare time he just walks around downtown picking up other people’s trash.

I’m not sure why he does it.

Is he looking to make the city more beautiful?

Does he do it to facilitate more littering?

Or?

Is he doing this to give himself something to do?

I could ask him but that would interrupt the mystery.

Either way, I’m not the only one who has noticed him.

I heard through a little bird that the mayor gave him some sort of award or recognition for his efforts.

Is he there to inspire the rest of us to have a positive impact on the world, to make the world a better place?

I think he’s pretty amazing.

As a troll?

This isn’t something I’d do.

Me?

The only way I’d get an award from the mayor would be if they gave out awards for lighting bags of shit on fire, leaving them on people’s front steps then ringing the doorbell and running away.

But Mr. Garbage picker? I think he’s pretty neat.

I fantasize about complimenting him in person

But,

But a big part of me is more devilish than that.

I think I'd get more satisfaction out of seeing him coming and littering right in front of him.

If he were to slip on a banana peel and fall?

That would be fucking hilarious.

I can already see the headline: "CLOWN THROWS BANANA PEEL IN FRONT OF UNSUSPECTING CITIZEN, CHAOS ENSUES."

But there's a more generous motivation too.

Without me throwing shit in front of him, he'd have less to do.

My laziness and ignorance would be a gift—a way I could contribute to how he makes meaning in his life.

In one simple action, I could demonstrate my respect.

I know what you’re thinking dear reader: Holy shit Jimmy! You sure are generous!

I am.

And handsome.

And humble too!

But instead of merely dropping a coffee cup or chip bag, I could be more strategic in my littering.

I could write notes on pieces of garbage with his name on them.

They could say things like “I APPRECIATE HOW YOU PICK UP GARBAGE LIKE THIS AROUND THE CITY’ or “KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK” or “DON’T CONSIDER THIS LITTER, CONSIDER IT A COMPLIMENT” or, “JESUS IS COMING - LOOK BUSY!”

Each piece of trash could have its own signature ‘look’.

I wouldn’t want him to know it was me while at the same time I’d like him to know that someone out there cares enough about him to go flinging their trash freely on all of our city streets.

Because making a mess and wreaking havoc?

That’s its own kind of gift.

Stay messy you fools!