gaining traction pioneering appliance porn

my nosey neighbour's new addiction

With a rear wheel drive truck that lacks snowtires, it’s always a good idea to keep some weight over the rear wheels.

This comes in super handy this time of year in Nova Scotia. The weight leads to traction and the freedom that comes with it.

Almost two weeks ago I threw an old dryer into the back of my truck and left it there.

The reason?

Traction.

Yesterday I took the old dishwasher from my home and threw it in there too.

Just as I was doing it, one of my more boogie neighbours - a retired boomer asked me about my intentions with regard to my growing appliance collection. He seemed dismayed.

My response?

I’m breeding them. If you wake up and find a toaster oven or a small microwave back there, you’ll know we’ve been successful. In fact, later on tonight I’m going to burn some incense and play Portishead just so they know it’s time to make babies.

This was a funny joke.

I know this.

He didn’t.

Instead, his brow become more wrinkled. He sputtered a bit before stomping back up the street while muttering something about chickens attracting rats.

It seems that this dis-traction from my job of giving myself more traction wasn’t experiencing any attraction to my appliance collection.

I think I’m going to start parking my truck in front of his house for a while.

He seems to have time on his hands. Maybe if I did, he could set up some hidden cameras. Maybe he’d catch my dishwasher and that dryer in the act of getting jiggy with it. He could become a world leader in appliance porn.

And this great opportunity he might have? It’s because of me.

No need to thank me dude. Just enjoy the show.