from the unspoken rules to ironed jeans

a troll's middle finger up the gary of fashoon

Rules.

Rules are weird.

Especially the unspoken ones.

The rules that I ignore the most.

And that therefor make life quite difficult for moi?

How to dress.

What to wear.

Well.

Actually?

I don’t struggle at all.

My approach to fashoon is one hundred percent functional.

I like clothes that fit and that are comfortable.

T-shirts, underpants and various shirts and sweaters to say warmer during the cold months.

That’s my wardrobe.

I don’t own a suit

And until recently, I did not have a white shirt with a collar.

What’s up with collar shirts and formal wears?

What’s up with these fomalities.

Today?

I met someone who irons their clothes.

Dear reader, do you iron your clothes?

If so?

How fucking weird.

What’s more weird about this person who irons their clothes?

They iron their jeans.

Who irons their fucking jeans?

Strange eh?

And white shirts with a collar - do you own such a thing?

Apparently as a man it’s expected that I would own something moderately formal. My guess? This is a way to give people cues on how to behave.White shirts with collars and ties seem to say: Stay uptight, don’t share too much of yoursel and try not to connect with these people, you’ll likely have to eat them one day.

I did not own a white shirt with a collar up until yesterday. I needed one for work. I was told the night before my shift that I needed a white collar shirt the next day until my uniform showed up.

My boss?

He expected that as a man of a certain age, I’d have more than a few of these shirts hanging up in my closet.

Luckily there is a store nearby where I could purchase a white shirt with a collar.

I was able to bend the knee and comply with this unspoken rule of mens fashoon - thou shalt have a white collar shirt.

Despite my ability to play along with this rule, I still find it kinda weird.

Who are these rules for? Why must we still cling to these odd rules around what clothes we own and what’s appropriate for where. They seem to me to be an unawares collective delusion and are about as welcome and impactful on the world as a fart in a hurricane.

Who the hell do these dress code rules serve anyway?

Thought the goal posts on what fashoon works where seems to be shifting all of the time, these unspoken dress codes give us a way to both express our desires and design expectations about behaviour.

We starch and stiffen our collars and press our panties. For whom?

We buy new sweaters shirts and ‘office casual’ outfits that dance in and outta fashoon.

Why do we do this?

Maybe it's comfort in conformity. Maybe it's a desperate attempt to signal something we're not. But for me, the only signal I'm sending is that I prioritize comfort and honesty over any unspoken rule of 'fashoon.'

I needed a white shirt for work, and I got one. But it won't be ironed, and it won't make me any less likely to be myself. It’s just a mask I’m wearing to show I’m part of the team.

And if you're the kind of sick and twisted fucker who has time for ironing your jeans, dear reader, I'm genuinely asking: why the fuck bother?

Take the iron and stuff it up the arse end of a fashoon shark and wrinkle your way to freedom.