from skid marks to turd piles

a trollish take on waste

Who do you dear reader find most hilarious?

Me?

I love skid marks.

There is nothing I like more than riding my bike through the dogs only part of the park at night and leave skid marks all over the place.

I do this because I know it will distress the puppy patrol.

There will be several people tomorrow morning in Shubie park pissing and moaning about the bi-cycles that were there last night and definitely put every dog on the planet in danger by breaking a rule.

They think they’re protecting their furr babies.

Me?

I think I’m merely kicking up dust in a big fucking dog toilet.

But as much as I find the puppy people piss me off, there are others who just hit my funny bone in all the most problematic places.

You see, I like to giggle.

I giggle constantly at those who are ‘conscious consumers’, those among us who tie their panties into knots about consuming or creating waste.

They make me giggle because that’s what we do.

We create bi-products.

As humans all we ever do is create waste.

You’ve done this your entire life and you’re doing it right now.

Air comes in with oxygen then goes out with a bit more carbon attached ontoit.

Water comes in then water goes out.

Food feeds on poop.

You eat the food that’s had its growing enhanced by a shit pile eventually making your own shit pile.

Is it any wonder then dear reader that with industrialization we’ve just scaled up the most natural thing we humans do?

Me?

Sure there are those who would like us all to reduce our ‘carbon footprint’.

But most of the time?

I don’t think of it as a footprint, but as a skid mark.

And my mark?

It may not be the heaviest or deepest.

But like those flashes in the crusher dust of the Shubie park trails, I’m hoping that my carbon skid mark is one of those long ones.

Pedal hard down hill, lock the brakes and let the arse end slide you fools!

Leave a trace.

Let them all know you’ve been here.