from importance to impotence and back again

a fools guide to wayfinding

I’d like to be important.

Mostly though?

I’m impotent.

Sure, I may try to be focused and productive.

Attempts typically begin with a lot of energy.

Then things get confusing.

Then confusion leads to being overwhelmed.

Then?

Distraction.

Give up.

Move on.

Sure, I’ve been able to maintain a daily practice of writing.

This is about as focused as I can be.

Training on my bike is giving me some structure too.

But anything work related?

I seem to get by but feel like a failure every step of the way.

There is no glamour here, no wisdom - just a washed up middle aged man with a lot of stories from his twenties and thirties when he used to do interesting stuff.

Meow?

This really had me down for a while.

But I realized that there’s a way back beyond following Zeke through the bushes.

Meow I focus on my kids. My wife. My parents. My sister. My inlaws. Nieces and nephews. My cousins and aunts and uncles.

You know - the real people, the ones you share DNA with, not just beers.

When I begin with my wife and kids, it’s really clear that I’m not impotent.

And when I focus on the people who truly matter?

I feel important as well.

Love the people who love you.

Fuck the rest of the fucking world.