From board stretchers to buttfors

and a visit to the long stand

The cut was wrong.

My granddad screwed up.

Frustrated, he hollered at Stephen,

Stephen! Go into the garage and get me the board stretcher.

Stephen was the new guy. Stephen did as he was told. My granddad needed time to ground his frustration. Legend has it, Stephen searched high and wide for almost twenty minutes before returning to admit failure.

Stephen fell for it. There’s no such thing as a board stretcher.

Nor is there a long stand or a long weight (wait). That’s what we used to do with new, rookie staff at one of the restaurants I worked at. We’d send them to the bar next door to ask the bartender for either a long stand or a long weight (wait)

They’d get what they came for. They’d stand there. They’d wait.

It was hazing. It was a double layer of status games, it drew from both dominance games - they had do what they were told, they were new, and success games - any veteran restaurant staff wouldn’t fall for this one.

It was a test that kept us safe as a group.

If the new staffer c…