Four hens up, two hens down

and a rat who takes bribes

I have a problem dear reader.

My chickens?

They’re stupid.

When I say that they’re stupid, I really mean it. Think of those people who hold signs at construction sites - yeah, that stupid.

I mean security guard stupid.

That’s right.

My chickens?

They are dumber than a mall cop.

And then there’s the rat. He’s a hockey fan so I let hm live.

The four older hens - our Azure blues? They are a bit sensible. Before dark, they’re in their coop, all roosted up and ready for slumber.

But the new ones?

They don’t want to go to bed.

And tonight? It was cold and nasty outside.

I wanted all six hens to go to bed.

But my drool-bib babies? You know, the little waddling mall cops?

They were yaking on the radios, practicing their lines Stop! Or I’ll say stop again!

So what did I do?

Well, dear reader, what would you do if you had some defiant post punk tweenage hens who refused to listen to reason and go to bed?

Think about what you would do for a moment, dear reader.

All finished?

Good.

That’s exactly what I would do.

And when that didn’t work, I’d take down the grate and try to chase them into the coop.

And do you know what happened, dear reader?

The four reasonable ones came out to see what the fuss was all about.

What the fuss was all about? They clucked it at me with their stupid slack jawed beaks held half open to facilitate breathing.

We need to know they squanked wide eyed and gawking.

The fuss was about the fact that a big featherless two-legger had a hockey stick and was about to go all swingy punchy on their sisters.

And now these four safe chickens became endangered chickens. Endangered by waddling through line of fire as I attempted to gently harass the initially stubborn little pecker heads with a hockey stick.

It didn’t work.

The rat who lives under the coop gave me a penalty.

Two minutes for cross chicking.

I had to walk away and leave them alone.

I went back out a half hour later and the chickens were in their bed.

Finally, they were cooperating, being sensible and listening.

But really?

I wish I had some high IQ chickens.

Or at least some hens at least as smart as a mall cop.

Then?

Then they could put themselves to bed.

Some have said that it would be dangerous to have intelligent chickens.

I wouldn’t worry about that too much.

Until they grow thumbs, they’re shit outta cluck.