for a smooth ride

and endless delight

My wife and I hate forests.

Stupid forests. So full of trees.

To help with our forest problem, we - well I wrap up a bunch of shit that she buys for herself that’s likely something consumable like deodorant or hairsomethingorother.

I always wrap it.

I use lotsa paper.

I use more tape.

You know, I like to watch her

Open presents.

Creepy?

Yes.

Sorry

I like to watch her open presents.

So I wrap up all kinds of stuff for her and she does this for me.

So I’m a man in need.

I’m a man in need of butt butter.

That’s right.

Butt butter.

No, this is not some sort of cracker topping for fet-a-shits

And despite the title?

Completely vegan.

It’s a kind of lubricant and moisturizer that you spread all over your ass and balls so you don’t get chaffed.

Warning. Do not spread vegans all over your ass and balls as they may lead to chafe.

So I was shopping for ass lube

As one does when one rides a bicycle for a very long time and does not like a blistered bottom.

And at Jeffrey’s place?

There are two versions of the same bum cream. One has a yellow bar, the other has a pink par with the word ‘her’ worked into the name.

It’s likely essentially the same cream with likely all of the same ingredients.

But there was a difference between the two dear reader.

The difference?

Price.

The butt butter for ladyparts is fifty five cents less expensive!

They say the opposite is typically true.

But has something changed?

Are ladyparts less complicated these days?

I don’t think so.

Have my cocknballs become more complex?

I mean, they are absolutely fascinating, but likely no more so than ladyparts.

And I don’t think that I will expand in this direction in any way whatsoever.

Yes, there is likely a lot of room for comedic exploration on the relative complexities of genitalia, and those explorations?

Well, I’ll leave that to either someone with a Phd’ on displays of genitalia across cultures or a Rogan podcast.

Because that dude just loves talking with authority about shit he knows nothing about.

He’s like millionaire Cartman - all fat on caribou meat and ram’s milk.

The question remains dear reader: What should I do?

Do I order the man stuff?

It’s more expensive but specifically formulated for a males cocknballs.

Or, do I buy the lady cream for ladyparts?

If I cover myself with lady cream, will I eventually grow ladyparts?.

And if I used so much lady cream that I grew lady parts, how much more work would I have to do in the world because I now in fact, have ladyparts?

Faced with a choice?

I bought the stuff for ladyparts.

That way when I’m out on the trail I’ll have an excuse to repeatedly say the word LADYPARTS in the zestiest way I know.

And that dear reader will cause me a smooth ride and endless delight.