finding joy in flying hot tubs

how I stopped worrying and learned to love 'the picker'

Today was a day of dumps.

Laura left for the week.

The dogs were pissed at her.

To get revenge for her leaving for the week they decided to shit on the floor.

Three times it happened. They pooped in tripishit.

That’ll teach her for leaving.

My god they have small brains. Shitting on the floor because she’s gone for a week does nothing to avenge her departure. Instead, the duty duty falls to me.

Those were the dirty dumps of a doggy dad.

In the morning I went to the dump. I had to dispose of destruction debris.

When I was there, something got stuck - a no longer loved hottub was being unloaded from a dump trailer. They fought with it for a while. Interventions included prodding the hottub with a two by four and raising and lowering the trailer.

They even tried swearing at it for a while - fucking thing!

Even their silver tongued persuasion failed to dislodge the near vertical hot tub.

D’y’all want some help? We could get the picker.

The picker?

Though my own truck was empty, I wasn’t going ANYWHERE with the picker on its way.

Dear reader, you may at this time be filled with awe and wonder thinking to yourself -what is the picker?

I had no idea.

Initially I hopped it was a big bearded man who tossed telephone poles around in his spare time.

It wasn’t.

I also hopped that if it was a device, it would be controlled by someone with a digit inserted to their second knuckle.

No such luck.

The picker was an excavator with a a kind of claw like hydraulic hand - think of that crane game you’d see at the movie theatre.

But instead of picking up a shitty plush prize, this thing grabbed garbage.

Well that picker showed up, grabbed the hot tub then tossed it through the air arching across the yard.

It landed with a resounding and glorious crash.

I love the dump.

I love the dirt.

And even more, I love seeing where all of the nice things you own and love will eventually go to be tossed away with a resounding crash.

I think funerals would be way more fun if they used the picker.