Embrace the beast within

growling and biting with love

Early on in our intimate relationships, it’s fairly normal to get in scrambles, disputes and fights with our new partner.

Sure, during the initial phases we are all hopped up on the chemical dump of love. Or intoxicated by lies, sex, and hope.

Hope is likely the biggest drug of all.

Hope this will be the one.

Hope that maybe we won’t screw this one up.

Hope that will finally be allowed to be ourselves.

Hope that this relationship will not be disappointing.

But every relationship gets disappointing sometime.

In our outrage at the imperfection of our existence, and that this perfect person, this perfect partner is letting us down? We we become outraged and start fighting vicious.

If you are in a long-term intimate relationship, you understand, viciousness. The viciousness of attack. The viciousness of withdrawal and absence, you understand it all.

The early years of a long relationship are frequently the most difficult. It’s reasonable, you’re just getting started together. You haven’t learned how to fight efficiently yet. That frequently comes when people are not aware of their own viciousness, and can only experience the impact of the viciousness of their partner.

Think of the last fight you had. It wasn’t rational. At your core you are not rational. The rational part comes later.

The rational part comes after the fight.

And conflict always happens, whether you want it to or not.

It’s helpful to sometimes embrace your animal side when you’re not fighting. Show your partner your teeth. Growl. Bite them hard on the ear, neck, shoulder or bum.

Remind yourself and them that you are both animals with teeth capable of using them.