East End Man

On being shirtless in Toronto

On my recent visit to Toronto, I stayed in my old neighbourhood. All of the familiar sights and sounds brought back a lot of memories.

And?

For the first time in seven years, I saw him, the local character my wife and I have loving referred to as the superhero East End Man.

East End Man has a few defining characteristics, some are only present in the summertime.

• Old, rusted ten speed bicycle, with the handlebars turned up like bull horns

• Four cans of mass produced pony piss masquerading as beer hanging from the aforementioned handlebars

• An Export ‘A’ green death cigarette dangling from his mouth

• Mirrored sunglasses and thinning mullet (think newly planted rice patty)

• NO SHIRT! (obviously)

• Cheap, thong flip flops

• Cut off jean shorts, cut very short and worn without underpants. How do I know this? On more than one occasion I have seen one or more of this mans testes dangling around his bike seat. NO. I’m not looking for them. And, somehow, my eyes are always drawn to things I don’t want to see.

E…