Do it yourself dog grooming

a riff on hiring professionals

Ronin is our most timid wee beastie. Oh sure, he displays the most machismo, the most aggression and the most tail in the air pride. That’s just a show. He’s a teddy with all of the courage of a vole. He’s also one of the shaggiest, hairiest dogs you’ll ever meet.

Dogs with hair don’t just grow hair. They grow mats. Mats are uncomfortable. Mats in the sanitary area are fucking awful. If you didn’t know, what they call the sanitary area is the area around a dogs asshole. It’s anything but sanitary. Sometimes it’s downright gruesome.

Gruesome? Yup. Two words: Anal glands. They get blocked. Someone in my house ‘expresses’ them. That someone is never me. His sanitary area is insane¹. I don’t touch that kind of crazy.

We’d had some issues with the amount of fur recently Matted sanitary areas can be problematic for full functioning. A reasonable person would bring him to a groomer. We’re far from reasonable. We’re remarkably foolish around here. Instead of paying a pro, we have clippers. What…