Do I look like a priest to you?
On randomly breaking out into unintentional prayer.
The first point that I would like to clarify is this:
I am not a religious man. Spiritual? Yes. But no religion provides a story or structure that is enough to support what I imagine that which is beyond our comprehension to be.
If that doesn’t make sense, read it twice. If it still doesn’t make sense, don’t worry about it. Life, the universe and everything else don’t make any sense either. That’s just another example of the random miracle that these shapes are being made by fingers and beaming into your head as words and stories DAYS LATER!
Time travel and telepathy. Writing is rad.
Here’s something else that doesn’t make sense: There are many times, where I’ve ended up holding hands with someone, praying in public.
It’s happened more than twice.
I know that I really don’t want to pray with them.
Not at all.
But when someone asks to pray with you, what do you do?
I’ll tell you what most people do,
They avoid the kind of people who take your ands and want to pray with you in a public space.
This happened to me as a waiter. Multiple times.
This happened as a wedding DJ. Multiple times.
This happened in conversations with homeless people. Multiple times.
It’s a funny thing to do - pray in public with a stranger.
I’ve found that every time it happens, they grip your hand really hard.
They’re grabbing on, forcefully showing you just how hard they love god!
It’s as though they’re squeezing their faith right into you.
In order to show up then and not be a total fake prayer, you gotta squeeze back just as hard.
Then it becomes like shaking hands with that guy who has to have a more firm grip than anyone else.
The make believe alpha - he acts as if he can just win the handshake, he’ll be pissing on the high post from there on in.
But this is in prayer form.
And of course, no random public prayer, the likes of which I don’t understand to a description of the divine I’m not fully committed to, no random public prayer is complete without the requisite closing of the eyes.
I spent the last three days talking about bail outs.
I don’t trust enough to close my eyes in public. How will I find the bail out?
At this point, it’s too late. I’ve been locked into a public prayer stare. There’s no going back now.
I watch aghast as the person who has preyed on my good nature and is leading the prayer, closes their eyes, then opens one to see if I’m closing my eyes.
This has happened during every public prayer assault that I have sustained.
I then close my eyes for a moment only to open them a second later to see if they’re looking to see if my eyes are closed.
They had their eyes open. I close mine immediately then open them again to see of the preying prayer is peeking.
Shit! They are! Now their scowling and they have an edge in their voice during the prayer.
Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. is the mantra in my head.
How do I get outta this how do I get outta this how do I get outta this, I silently pray, all the while we’re engaging in a game of forced public prayer peek-a-boo!
In the end, I always walk away from these encounters feeling weird.
What just happened?
It’s like the old saying goes:
Did that really just happen? I think that just happened and I’m not sure what to think of it.