Disgorge and re-gorge

The dog's breakfast

Right away.

Yesterday in the playlist?

I forgot the link.

Here it is:

Thanks for understanding.


Our Dog Rodney

Good day.

If you are reading this while eating, please, do yourself a favour. Come back later.

This is a warning as this post may become too graphic too quickly.

I can’t say for certain yet because I haven’t written this post yet and I’m not sure where this is going.

And?
I know myself.

I have this incredible ability to leap lines.

One minute, a few chuckles from people and the next thing you know I’m discussing the sensation of the texture of scratching burning post puke chunks at the back of your throat…

Right?

How did sweet love of all that’s good and stupid did I go there?

Anyway, if you’re still here and willing to play, let’s do a gut check.

Are you confident about your constitution?

If you have any qualms about the bile ride that we’re about to embark on, I suggest that you had better get a bucket.

For those of you who have remained.

Thank you. I’ve been waiting for you. I hope herein to tread a delicate line between my delight in descriptive images with a visceral impact taken to absurd extremes and, your ability to tolerate such sensory data.

It is my sincere hope that you, Dear Reader, may find delight as, I do in the grotesque, profane, obscenity that is an essential and unforgettable aspect of our base, humanity.

Without any further adieu, let me tell you about Rodney, and his relationship with vomit.

Rodney is a little red rescue dog.

Rodney likes to climb up on small hills and pee as high up as he can.

Rodney has a reactive stomach.

Rodney throws up regularly.

Once complete? He hovers back his own chunderous leavings while they are still warm.

Food for Rodney is frequently like a yo yo.

Disgusted yet?

I thought not.

It’s pretty normal for dogs to eat their own vomit.

It’s also pretty normal for humans to have slight regurgitation and re swallowing of some recently ingested sustenance.

And ya know what else?

There are times that you and I are not unlike Rodney.

There are times when we essentially barf all over ourselves, then readily lap it up like a kitten with cream.

I have worked with people who have had a relationship with someone that was like a fine burrito dinner. Only issue? It didn’t sit well with them.

Their relationship burrito bounced from their gullet with the force of a firehouse.

They sprayed Joseph’s Technicolor dream coat everywhere.

And then? A reasonable person might walk away

A reasonable person might realize that what once was food, is now slimy with bile and, unrecognizable from it’s original form.

If only people just turned away from these barfed relationships.

But instead? We’re animals, no better than Rodney. We go back.

Sure the re fried beans have been liquefied with their stomach acids but the burrito itself? Changed.

Chunks of meat an tortilla blended in with bits of… who knows?

Who cares? There might be nutrients there right?

And? The yellow and red banana peppers? They look unchewed.

The bits of tomato? Those seem like solid chunks.

Down the hatch.

It’s funny though. As humans when we’re sick or when food makes us sick, we can often stop the cycle of eating and barfing.

With shitty relationships? Not so much.

The same goes for our crap behaviours.

We keep returning to them expecting the burrito we had when we started.

How do you walk away and not eat your own barf?


Curses Foiled Again!

My attempts to play a stupid recurring joke on Instagram have been foiled by the fact that I can only change my name every two weeks.

So for now, pleas refer to me as ‘Clem Fandango’.

Thank you.

And… new weekly thing that might not be weekly but I try stuff in this place on Sunday morning bit…


Only Slightly Paranoid Conversations I Have With the Cops in My Head.

The title explains it all.

I sometimes have a relationship with the cops in my head. Though heavily de-funded, they still take up a lot of room

Here’s how one went today:

Me: Oh, I need to ride my unicycle and become ‘unicycle guy’ again. Oh shit, I’ll likely attract attention and some busy body (there’s always some vindictive busy body snitch POS who works with the cops in my head) will call the cops on me.

Miraculously this is where the cops actually show up in my head. From now on I’ll call them the CIH for short. Don’t try to say it as a word. It really doesn’t work.

Or?

Say it. Make a video of you sounding that stupid and send it to me. If you sound that weird, it likely means that your clown is near by…

So, in this game I’m riding my unicycle around the Pre-fabs without a helmet.

CIH: Where’s your helmet

Me: I hate helmets

CIH: You need a helmet.

Me: I can’t wear one on this thing

CIH: Why not?

Me: I only have one wheel. It will mess up my balance.

CIH: Reasonable.

So there you go. The cops in my head are pretty stupid.

How harsh are the cops in yours?


One Derful Thing

Alo

The list of people receiving this message has been growing.

If this is your first inbox merriment, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here.

These little interventions are here to help you discover the little idiot, the fool that is as much as part of you as it is me.

You see, there are those who think people are essentially good. There are those who think that people are essentially evil

And then there’s me. I think that people are essentially flawed, limited and therefore foolish.

We all have an inner idiot. When we make friends with this part of ourselves and have fun with it?

We become more powerful. We become more free.

And?

Life is more fun.

For a clown there are three directions:

Forward. Backward. And Awkward.

Many of these little interventions are there to help you feel awkward on purpose.

Why? Well, if we do it on purpose, with intention, we can observe the emotions and sensations that arise when we feel embarrassed and awkward.

When clowns are funny? The awkward happens almost by mistake. It flows from a logic that makes sense until it doesn’t. This is the logic that leads to the kind of choices that George Carl makes here with his mic stand:

George is definitely moving in the direction of Awk.

Do you ever find yourself in awkward situations?

When there, how can you get more comfortable by highlighting the awkwardness.

When in doubt, make the sound of a seagull:

AWK! AWK! AWK!