cheese fueled justice

the fart that saved my christmas

It was surprising - actually, authentically surprising.

In retrospect?

It’s more surprising that a fool like me would be surprised by human folly on one of the busiest shopping days of the year.

She had moved on to prey on another man.

Clad in pyjama pants this lady was certainly not one of means. Whether cultural, intellectual or financial capital, her poverty was clear. Her teeth when they appeared were yellowed by smoke. She wore puffy, filthy clothes and her hair looked as though it were cut by a drunken storytelling dwarf with a chainsaw while shooting rapids in an inflatable boat.

Her visuals were merely my first clue of her lack of means.

The second?

The smells.

She was the kind of combination of tobacco and cat piss that tells me that she likely gets visits from her worker.

She followed me through three isles at Home Depot. Each time I stopped?

She stopped and looked over my shoulder or attempted to see past me.

That was a bit of an eyebrow lifter - not necessarily surprising behaviour …