and other novelties
At the barn, one of the pigs got out.
The chain link fence of its pen was no match for the four hundred pounds of stubborn muscle pushing against it.
Slowly and deliberately it moved the fence.
Pigs have wicked grins. They’re pretty smart as well. They know when they are being impish. And on this day, Sausage was being very impish. He looked quite pleased with himself as he trotted among the paddocks.
It created quite a disturbance. I’m not sure if the horses were panicked or offended. They made quite a racket. They chased the wayward piggie when he came close. They stomped their hoofs as the porcine wonder trotted past.
The pig was a bouncy tube of chaotic bubble gum - a ground bound flubber snake of animated silly putty. It rooted in hay. It chewed up sods. It ran to and fro. It ran back and forth without purpose. The whole time, the horses whinnied, screamed and bucked.
It was almost as though the pig merely wanted to be seen. Look at me! I’m running around! Look at me! I’m a pig on the lose! Look at me! I’m a force of chaos! Look at me! I’d eat you all up including your bones!
Yeah, they love to flaunt the fact that they’d eat even our bones. Pigs are cute. They have no scruples. And they’re cute. Cute agents of chaos. With chaos, comes destruction.
Hoof flew, water tubs were overturned. Janice bit Thunder right on his arse sending him screaming away. Jewel kicked a paddock fence over. And George? George got tangled up in his hay net. No one was happy. No one except for Sausage the pig. Sausage the pig was hot to trot.
Chaos and horses do not go well together. Parents at a horse riding lesson don’t tend to like chaos. It seems they do not want their children falling from horses. Having been on a horse, this makes sense.
The horses were irritated. The pig needed to be put away. Never having chased a pig before, I jumped up right away. Where are you going, asked the instructor?
Me? I’m going to go chase a pig. Never done this before. It’s going to be fun.
What the hell is wrong with you she replied.
I gave it some thought. The escaped pig was unwelcome, dangerous chaos. For her, the escaped pig was at best an inconvenience. I found it delightful.
Good luck getting him back in the pen. Pigs are assholes, she added with a tone of knowing authority.
Then things became clear. This was a woman who has chased a lot of pigs. Chasing pigs for her was annoying. Chasing pigs was an old problem, she’d done it lots before.
For me, chasing pigs was a new problem. New problems are fun. New problems involving cute food are even more fun. There’s something essentially funny about the gait of a pig.
There’s something wonderful about encountering chaos without a plan or a solution.
There’s something wonderful about being the guy who steps up to chase a pig.
As for the pig?
Well, what do you think happened to it?