burning teens
I received a text recently from my nephew. He’s a great kid - a ladies man. Even when he was five and playing hockey, he was more interested in chatting up the girls on the ice than playing the game.
Well.
He was playing a game. His game involved getting play dates with all of the girls on his team. Now that he’s sixteen, it’s not at all surprising that his singular focus seems to be on his girlfriend.
He’s a romantic kid. His text to me was a request for some seasoned firewood. He was planning a date and wanted to have a campfire on the beach with his girlfriend.
I first thought, Oh, what a responsible young man taking initiative, making sure he has got some good wood to burn and he's not damaging anything.
You know?
If we didn’t have wood for a fire, we’d find a fence to tear down or a park bench to set ablaze. By merely providing this child with dry wood, I could potentially save this kid a night in the can and taxpayers a pretty penny.
I could make sure that these two young lovers have a nice romantic time at the beach.
All I would have to do is give him some wood.
Here’s how I replied:
Fuck you. Go find your own fucking wood. This is how I show you I love you buddy.
I know what you’re saying: Mean! Why are you so mean to this nice kid who’s just being responsible.
Again.
Fuck that.
If you’re going to be undreage drinking or engaging in youthful intimacy, you need friction. The would should not open up and support you in having campfires and getting your ying yang pulled by some other kid.
You need to fight for this shit, suffer and get it wrong.
This kid needs to learn how to go scavenge wood and get some wet jankee, terrible shit wood that couldn’t be ignited by the fires of hell.
The kid needs to show up at the beach, not know how to build a proper fire and feel the humiliation and embarrassment of a being a screw up.
He needs to sit there and fail repeatedly in front of his girlfriend while she grows more cold, impatient and mosquito bitten before losing her patience with him and going back to the car to wait for the fire to start.
When the fire doesn’t start, he can then learn how to crack insecure jokes to a silent, slightly pissed off lady who almost believes in him.
Nothing teaches humility quite as well as wet wood on a windy weekend date.
If the kid is so focused on women, he’ll need to learn how to fail and disappoint them.
He’ll need to learn to endure the pain of embarrassment and being a screw up.
I wasn’t being a bully uncle.
I was training him for marriage.
Love the people who love you
And sometimes that means setting them up to struggle.
Set yourself up to struggle
Come and ride a bike of janky crap for a full day.
Camp in a tent.
Eat food in the middle of nowhere.
Disconnect from the internet and connect with yourself
Leave work, worries and family cares behind.
Come and discover something magical, something profoundly beautiful.
