breaking up turdish love

it’s not poo, it’s pee

Oh dear reader,

If people wanted to know exactly what NOT to do in any situation, I could write a book…

There are some things you just never ever do.

I put kicking puppies and mocking the Montreal Canadiens in that category.

Then there are things that are kinda not super cool to do - like eating fucking tofu.

Sure, when there is absolutely only two choices, tofu or death? Well, then - and only then would I ever consider desecrating the temple that is my body with such filth.

And if you eat tofu?

I’m sorry.

Not because I’m insulting something that you find delightful.

I’m sorry that you’re involved in such a terrible act of self abuse.

Please stop. Eat beef.

The cows will thank you.

Then?

There are things you shouldn’t do in certain places.

Take breaking up with a lover.

This should be done face to face.

This should not be done over a text message.

But most of all?

Well…

Remember last month how I thought I’d regale you with stories of public restrooms?

Well…

Let me warn you that today’s post dear reader…