big stepping, second guessing

and making bad life choices with gusto

How often do you second guess yourself?

When do you find yourself in a situation where you’ve made a choice and a commitment then at the time of follow through thought Why the fuck did I put myself in this place again?

Today, dear reader, was one of those days.

In my role as a service provider, I am part of the tourist industry here in the greater Dartmouth area. The team spent the day visiting and connecting with other businesses in our area in order to better recommend experiences for our guests.

One experience on offer?

Rappelling down the side of an 11 story building.

Did I ever tell y’all how much I’m afraid of heights?

There’s a foolsletter about that somewhere here…

I’ve binder dundat - faced the heights thing.

And yet, dear reader, I must have something to prove.

What I have to prove and to whom is not clear.

Perhaps I’m out to show the world what my package looks like cinched up in a rappelling harness.

Here’s an image for you dear reader - It looks like a quart of strawberries in a cloth grocery bag tied tightly to the arse end of a mule - that is to say there is no discernable signs of any manly members whatsoever. Sure, my butt looks great, but my cocknballs look like they don’t exist.

So I’m not there to do my best Hermaphroditie impersonation.

Am I there to fuck up, end it all and be ‘that guy’ who goes splat on the one inch matt on the ground below?

Am I there to void myself sending a cascade of liquid concentrated fear and feces flying into the faces of uplooking onlookers below?

That does have a certain appeal.

Or,

Am I there to be that guy who says yes when others say know better?

So today, I found myself with my heals out over the ledge of the Westin Hotel, eleven stories above the splat point thinking about the joints I smoked with Chris and her partner staring at the sign near me and saying Oh wow man, we are so west-in.

It seemed profound at the time.

Now?

It was a quaint memory as I reluctantly fought with my lizard brain, my flight / fight centre and lowered my arse over the edge of a building.

Did I mention the waivers that I didn’t read?

They said something about loss of life and lawsuits and such.

Then there was the emergency brake - if I went too fast, I could get caught and need to self rescue before resuming my descent.

So I did it. I don’t remember much except not wanting to go too fast.

From what I remember once I was over the edge all I wanted to do was get to the ground as efficiently as possible.

I’d let out the slack and start to move.

Once I picked up speed, I stopped myself with a bounce. I did this again and again until finally I was lying on my back on the ground.

I wanted to stay there but someone else was coming after me so I had to clear the splat zone.

Once on the ground?

All I wanted to do was go up and try again.

That’s what a lot of the bull shit of life is like eh?

We step up and volunteer. When it comes time to perform?

That’s when the second guessing starts.

But once on the other side?

Then it’s time to do it again.

And this time?

With gusto.

Make bad life choices.

You won’t regret it.