The kids still mock me about this.
Do you remember the time you had to call mom to come and rescue you?
They delight in this.
I delight in this.
Yes, I remember.
I love how they get to see me as fallible. They see that their dad sometimes needs help too. They delight in knowing that I sometimes can’t keep up with my friends. They love to see their dad as limited, humble, vulnerable and human.
After calling for a pick up, I still had to travel another two kilometers over rough terrain with a frozen body, broken seat and questionable steering.
Pedal pedal pedal, glide (repeat)
But then, everything went quite, the resistance in my feet, gone.
I stopped, looked back and saw my chain on the ground.
I really needed a bail out.
No matter what, I needed help.
With a broken chain, it was gong to be at least three quarters of an hour before I got out of the woods. I was frozen, wet, hungry and barely mobile. Whether having money for a taxi, or a loved one to call upon, there was one certainty: I was not getting out of there by myself. I needed a bail out.
At the bottom of the hill, there she was, an angel in a minivan. A hottie with hot tea waiting for me. I’d never been so happy to be laughed at in my entire life.
The ride home was glorious. We had the heat cranked. I felt the warmth of her heart.
And then I stuffed my hands down my pants to warm up my fingers, again transferring cold from my extremities to my core - a core that was feeling loved and supported and generating its own kind of warmth.
There are risks and there are risks. There are ways to bail out. And sometimes we get frozen making bailing out difficult. Then? Perhaps some help is in order.
It’s like the old saying goes:
I get by with a little help from my friends - and when that doesn’t work, I call my frickin’ shrink.
Sharing our vulnerability is an act of kindness. There are times in the semester that I know my students are particularly overwhelmed. I'll mention that I'm feeling the pinch and casually ask, "Are you guys noticing the workload starting to build up, too?" Now, we are comrades, friends in a fox hole. "Yeah, I spend time at the end of every day ensuring I am ready for the next one. You know, the unifying theme behind a degree is you have proven you can keep yourself organized and get the job done. It's designed to be a bit overwhelming. You are acquiring a life skill." This also serves to change their perspective and their self talk. With a touch of, this might help, without shoving it down their throats. No, there's nothing wrong with you. You are growing and growing usually involves a challenge being met. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. We are in this together. Hmmm, another very comforting sentence. Sometimes, I wonder if I am gaslighting them. Have I internalized my boomer work ethic and am I passing it on. I think I am validating their feelings and recognizing their efforts. At least, I hope so.