accounting for boredom

now with 93% more beige!

Some say that money and finances are important.

I’d tend to agree, which is why my utter ignorance of these matters for 11 to 14 months at a time have a problematic edge.

Money is a metaphor and a time travel device. It’s a motor and a gearbox and a lever. I love to earn it and love to spend it even more.

But managing it?

That seems like a task for someone else.

So every 11 to 14 months or so I sit down and become that someone else.

I look at the quickbooks software.

I download all of the transactions and watch video tutorials about how to do things with microsoft excel - an app that I use once per year.

Then?

I spend hours clicking and categorizing and checking and asking questions eventually ending up with a snapshot of my expenses.

(the earnings are much easier to calculate)

Oh my god the classifying and clarifying is the equivalent of cleaning and sorting through the basement and my ‘odd screw and fastener bucket’ only on an extreme endurance scale.

I’ve been at this painful, soul destroying work for weeks.

Each task seems insurmountable.

What’s worse, once finished, there’s no tangible reward. Just more work.

And even more worser?

I don’t do this out of any sense of civic duty. I do this bullshit in order to keep as much money as I can and not get in trouble with the fucking government.

This task saps all of my creativity and makes me want to do as many mind altering chemicals as I can find.

Either that or buy a flight suit for one last adrenaline filled flying leap.

So dear reader

Given that I spent the day not as a fool but as the worlds most ill equipped least fastidious accountant, I don’t have much to offer the world.

Perhaps this is the entire goal of the accounting and taxation professions - to sap humanity of all will to live and make us all delight in single tone music and seek out more and more beige.

I’d like to be funny, but there’s nothing funny about sorting though expenses.

So insead, I’ll leave you a funny word:

Callipygian of, pertaining to, or having beautiful buttocks," 1800, Latinized from Greek kallipygos, the name of a statue of Aphrodite at Syracuse, from kalli-, combining form of kallos "beauty"

And?

If I keep spending time sitting on me arse doing taxes instead of riding my bike Imma going to lose my callipygian nature.

Shake what yo momma gave you.

And after that?

Get those taxes done. Big brother is waiting.