a troll's guide to polyamory

on bald tires and juicy deliveries

People need hobbies.

People get bored easily.

Once upon a time when I worked as a troll in a basement couples would come to visit me.

No, they weren’t there to get luck by rubbing my magnificent eyebrows.

Nor were they there for help with their grocery budget.

They would come there pretending that they wanted to get along better.

HA!

They called the request couples counseling.

In reality?

When people go to couples counseling typically the first thing they do is try to be seen as sympathetic or the victim somehow.

From there?

They’d put me in the role of judge then try to argue their respective cases.

It was a lot of drama and noise but not a lot of love.

Deep down it seemed like they just wanted permission to be cruel to each other, break up then go have sex with strangers.

My absolute favorite however was when they would come to me with news that they wanted to explore polyamory or open relationships.

CHA-CHING!

That’s a great idea!

I would start gushing.

They’d tell me Love is abundant, not finite

Bu…