A bit more undertow
disruption without resistance
Undercurrents and undertows are a lot like what Jung called our ‘shadows’. They are aspects of ourselves that are there, part of us, largely unseen, very powerful and frequently misunderstood.
These could be thoughts, behaviours or things that merely move us in ways we don’t like.
Much of the time, people want to eliminate these aspects of themselves from their lives.
There are a good many people who can’t enjoy the beach because they’re afraid of being pulled out to sea by the undertow.
The mere threat of encountering these fearful currents is enough to keep a lot of people out of the water.
And we don't want anything to do with these undercurrents because we perceive them as a threat. They are a threat. They threaten our relationships. They threaten us with experiences we don’t want to ‘enjoy’ again because they aren’t that much fun.
With more knowledge of how they work, when we can pinpoint how our undercurrents move us, do we remove the threat? Think you have a shady thing that you do, or a shitty way you are in the world or a way you've been shitty to other people, or you've been shity to yourself. Do you see the pattern the same way? Pick one pattern. Now instead of trying to resist a pattern, imagine how you could move through it more quickly. It’s a structure in your life. It’s likely coming back.
Frequently we spend so much time resisting our undertow, our patterns, that we spend time in shock, disbelief, shame or protest as we go through them. But have you ever watched yourself going through your undertow patterns? Have you just let go, gone with it and noticed what was happening?
When you're in that habitual pattern that you don't like instead of noticing how it's coming on and all that that's great and trying to avoid it, what would happen if you just went with it for a while and got curious about your own undertow? Might there be a different way out? How could you break a cycle of undertow behaviour more quickly by not resisting?
Hmmm. Liking this. My work is cyclical. 8 months of the year...I am focused on work. May to August? I decelerate and start to look around at where I am. This is welcome and a bit torturous. What ways of being are hurtful to myself and others? How can I be a better me? I find this more productive than looking at the worst parts with an eye to killing them. I struggle with consistent change...due entirely to focus. Look, there's a squirrel. After 8 months of stressed focus, my mind wants to be free. Mind and body need less stress, more play. Creativity is up, routine is down. I know what is needed. A schedule. Time to bed, time to rise. Plan the week, post the plan. Reading and sitting by a lake is a plan. Writing is a plan. Cleaning is a plan. The end of an annual 8 month period of plan and focus has me, 4 weeks later, emerging from a recovery period not sure about waves and undertow. I am at the emotional version of what my sensei called a certain recurring position of readiness in karate. From this position you could move forward, backward, kick or punch. He called it the magic place...you can go anywhere from here.